Lent Day 27

WOW.

40 days (46 counting Sundays) of fasting is a lot longer and harder than it would seem.

So the rumours are true...it is indeed day 27 of Lent and all that comes with that. I have not consumed any sweets, scones, biscuits or desserts in 27 days. It's funny because I keep having these dreams where it's like, the day before Lent ends and I break the fast! And I'll wake up flipping out because I really want to see this thing through, so I do.

But dreams aside it is going really well. I've stumbled a few times with my quiet times and prayers, but I got to keep going...right? I've had a few spiritual break-throughs since I've been fasting...

I'm finding that whenever I crave sweets or desserts I points my thoughts towards God and I rely on Him so much more to give me the courage to refuse these things. I'm also finding that my heart is more susceptible to hearing God's voice and submitting to His Spirit. It may sound crazy but I have had times when I am just engulfed in God's Spirit and they are such moments of clarity and purpose. My first encounter with God/Holy Spirit was on Day 5.

Looking back on my journal entries it's amazing...because the day before I was praying and talking about how I needed some kind of awakening or I needed to be shaken up. Then the next day at Souled Out God shook me. My friend Jason spoke at Souled Out and it wasn't even Jason...it was God so clearly speaking to me. God basically revealed to me that even though I became a Christian 2 (almost 3) years ago, I need to make the choice everyday (and sometimes a couple times a day) to accept Christ into my heart. I think of the film "50 First Dates".

Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore are the main characters. And I think in ways, God is like Adam Sandlers character. He works so hard everyday to make Drew Barrymore fall in love with him. And sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn't. That's the relationship I have with God...at least as of the past 2 years. Christ is Adam Sandler and I am Drew Barrymore. Jesus works to gain my affections...for me to fall in love with Him everyday. And I want to fall in love with Him everyday, all over again. This was my first break-through...I have come so far from who I was before Christ. My life before Him was hollow and I was so broken and trying to fix myself and fill my life with that would just take life from me. And now, I never want to know that life again. I don't want to ever again know life without my God.

The second break-through come on day 19. I had been journaling and I realized that it had been a good long while since I had a good heart-to-heart with Jesus. See, I write letters to Him. These are my prayers and I just pour my heart out to Him and listen to what He has to say to me.

Well, I was writing Him and He talked to me. I'm serious. It wasn't like a voice, so it wasn't...no it was like a strong feeling in my entire body. But I could hear Him, speaking to me. I had just been telling Him about how I want to minister to my friends back home, but I don't know how.

And He said, "how about writing a letter all about Me."

I was just like,"Should I? Really?" And God said, "Yes."

I asked Him, you know, "Who first?" And immediately one particular friend came to mind. She has been so heavy on my heart the past few months and I just knew God wanted me to reach out to her. And I kept questioning God. Questions like, what if I lose her? She's my friend and I don't have that many. And God basically told me who do you worship? Who made you? Who pursued you? Who made her? Who has not only your life, but her life and the lives of every living being in the universe planned out? He told me, don't worry about it...put Me first and tell her about My love for her.

And so with all of God's help I wrote her a letter telling her about God and His love. I have never done anything like that before. And it's a step of faith and trust in my Father that I have taken.

Well, that's all I have for now. I will try to update again either this week or in another 23 days.

Ellie O'Connor